WEIRD AL YANKOVIC - THE ESSENTIAL. DAY 38

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC - THE ESSENTIAL

Weird Al has a place closer to my heart than most. He takes the piss, makes me laugh and plays the polka. What more could you want? As a kid who wore the videotape thin watching Michael Jackson’s BAD video obsessively I give props to a dude that pays just as much attention so he can imitate and pay homage. 

At home most of the singing I do is my own lyrics to other people’s songs. Weird AL is my comedic muzac hero. I worship his chutzpah...his is one of a few chosen false idols. So tonight I’m going to see his show.

This blog post comes in 2 parts...this is the first! 

MICHAEL JACKSON - THRILLER 25th ANNIVERSARY. DAY 37

MICHAEL JACKSON - THRILLER 25th ANNIVERSARY

Let’s just take a moment to get down on our knees and thank God for Michael Jackson. While I’m down there I’m going to bang my fists on the ground and cry foul at how wrong it is that The King of Pop is no longer. Michael Jackson holds a special place in my life. He was my first block-mount poster...my first concert...my first real love. He is the reason I started choreographing my own routines in the lounge room. He is the basis for most of my dance moves, my nonsensical singing. I had the Vinyl original of this album and the opening song - Wanna be startin something has all sorts of lyrics I don’t understand. Is Michael Jackson saying ‘you’re a vegetable...you’re a vegetable...you’re a hee hee hee...you’re a vegetable..? Because those are the words I sing. 

I saw the BAD tour in 1987. I was so far away and little I needed Binoculars to make out the zombie backing dancers. It was the greatest moment of my life. None of the kids at school believed me, I was quite happy about that. 

When I found out MJ had died I cried for a week straight. I continued to cry randomly for months afterwards. Listening to this album is bittersweet. 

DAMIEN RICE - O. DAY 36

DAMIEN RICE - O

I’m not really into Damien Rice. He falls into an area populated by David Gray, Rufus Wainright and Everclear. Artists everybody else seemed to be into but I’d probably just wait for the best of. I’ve already got Everclear’s greatest hits and it was worth it. Rufus Wainright is much better than I give him credit for but he’s not on my radar. 

I bought this album because I was at the filming of one of those hideous talent shows and someone used The Blowers Daughter as their audition song. He was so good that I went out and bought this album. While Damien Rice is good, this talent show guy was way better. I don’t quite know how to process that. 

Rest of the album ok...but I’m not one for  acoustic, wrist slitting melancholy. 

CHARLOTTE CHURCH - CRAZY CHICK. DAY 35

CD SINGLE SUNDAY


CHARLOTTE CHURCH - CRAZY CHICK

Free CD from the radio station throw out box. This reminds me of 2 things.

1. I’m the only person I know willing to admit I like Charlotte Church, this song or anything else by Charlotte Church. Likewise I’m probably the only person I know, who knows who Charlotte Church is.

2. The cover of the CD reminds me of the times when you’ve put on weight from being in a shitty desk job, you feel as though every passing stranger is judging your muffin top and the absence of positive endorphins in your life leaves you desperately searching for salvation from your grotesque physique everywhere. I stared at Charlotte’s promo picture for an abnormal period of time willing myself to look like her. That’s desperate indeed.

Good song.

BEN FOLDS FIVE - WHATEVER AND EVER AMEN. DAY 34

BEN FOLDS FIVE - WHATEVER AND EVER AMEN

Shudder. Just seeing the cover of this album makes me want to curl up in a ball and hibernate. It reminds me of a wet winter and general ickiness. I was trying to get rid of a boyfriend at the time without doing any of the breaking up myself. I figured if I brought it up in conversation enough he may take the bait. For example I would ask casually if he thought we were a well suited couple or if we even had anything in common. But, to no avail. Then I tried the standard ‘make them hate you’ approach which just made me and him feel confused and bad. Next came the innuendo of cheating which I didn’t actually do but I wanted him to think I was. Still, no bites. Finally, I had to request a break and then extend the break into a break up. 

Brick was on the radio 48 times a day and I could get it stuck in my head for days at a time. I am notorious for singing along to songs while having no idea what the words or meaning are so when I found out Brick was about getting an abortion I was astounded. I missed that for the first 8 months of the songs release. 

Best track on the album is number 1: One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces - for reasons that are self explanatory. I've been to Ikea today so I'm tired. I shall end on this note though: I have no idea why I own this album. i've never bought anything by Ben Folds in my life. Strangely enough I think I got it in the fallout of a breakup.

SADE - THE BEST OF SADE. DAY 33

SADE - THE BEST OF SADE

Sade’s voice is so smooth it feels wrong, almost irritating to listen to. I have one story about Sade. This album reminds me of the trip I have mentioned previously where I was forced to chaperone/bag handle for my grandmother on a European sojourn of sorts. On our condensed tour of the Euro highlights - Paris, Rome, Dover - we travelled Autobahns and cobble-stoned roads on a bus that gave prompted travel sickness from me within 2 mins of driving. Every time we stopped I needed to bolt out for air/vomit. 

The best part of the stops were the awesome truck stops. In Italy the police had machine guns and hung out at truck stops from what I saw. Certainly different from the pensioners in a caravan I’m used to at highway stops in Australia. 

These stops had more than just conveniences. They were department stores complete with food, clothes and audio visual. I always bought diet coke and cashews (a balanced combination) so I amused myself with the random and wonderful items people would bring back on the bus from their roadside shopping trips. One girl who had the body of a supermodel and the head of a bogan would buy clothes and jewelry. One person bought knick knacks or playing cards for their grand kids and a small olive skinned girl once bought this Sade Best Of for her walkman. Yes, that’s right her cassette tape walkman. I took mine too. REM’s document and a mix tape with Roxy Music and Pearl Jam were on high rotation. 

When I saw this girl buy the Best of Sade at an Italian truck-stop I wondered of she listened to it for the whole trip or just used it as a soundtrack to the best bits, like the colosseum or gypsy spotting! 

RUN DMC - TOUGHER THAN LEATHER. DAY 32

RUN DMC - TOUGHER THAN LEATHER

I don’t believe I’ve ever listened to this album before. I also don’t believe I know where it came from. My first assumption when I find an object, piece of clothing, book or CD that’s not mine is that it came to me in the fall out of a previous relationship. There are several clues: first, an orange sticker with the number #42 in the top right corner. Second, the initials JG in black texter on the bottom right corner. What could all of this mean? I don’t have an ex or a friend with those initials. The number 42 doesn’t mean anything in particular. Next possibility is an impulse purchase at Cash Converters by myself or my Dad. Why though, would my Dad by a Run DMC record? 

Run DMC reminds me of my first year of Uni when I wore nothing but a knock off black Calvin Klein shirt and black Adidas tracksuit pants. I was fatter then and my muffin top appreciated the elasticised waist. That Jason Nevins remix of ‘Its Like That’ was huge at the time. It was like that song never went away. Nowadays I know more about ‘Run’s House’ from a bad MTV reality show than this actual album. WORD. 

TIFFANY - I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW. DAY 31

TIFFANY - I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW

Something different today. I’ve been moving things around and I spotted my pile of Vinyl and I think incorporating records is a great idea. Yes, great.

This is Tiffany’s best and almost only single, I mean do we remember anything else? I don’t. This reminds me of a time when life was simpler, lollies were 1 cent and we had an above ground pool. While that pool came down a long time ago to pave the way for Dad’s overcrowded shed, the long-term scars of a ‘hair crimper’ gone wrong incident still makes me wince when a hairdresser gets too close to my face with her GHD.  

I had a substantial Vinyl collection but there was some espionage a few years go with a fat, extremely unattractive ex boyfriend (that term is used loosely and sparingly) who helped himself to my stuff when I wasn’t home. TURD. 

This song is better played on Vinyl because the tinny synths and drum machine have weight to them, the electronic elements and Tiffany’s voice earthy despite being shrill and sometimes out of key. I certainly can’t say no to this at an 80’s themed discothèque..or anywhere really. Modern classic.

Maroon 5 - Songs about Jane. Day 30

Maroon 5 - Songs about Jane

Three short recollections of this album. First, I was quite fascinated by a band called Kara’s Flowers who a released a thrash heavy pop song called ‘Soap Disco’ in 1997 so imagine my surprise when in 2003 they were called Maroon 5 and sounded nothing like Kara’s Flowers. Songs About Jane had a bunch of killer singles that made friends with the radio and then made friends with people’s ears. 

She will be loved remains to this day a song I cant listen to because an ex boyfriend told me he thought it was our break up song. It creeped me out. I remember after a particularly long night out at a music festival, on the way home ‘This Love’ came on the radio and my friend and I were so mental we thought it was Robin Thicke. We were positive in fact for the whole ride home that it was Robin Thicke. The next day we worked it out and when we did, I was quietly impressed that Maroon 5 had something that cool in them. Too bad all their stuff since has been regurgitation mixed with synths. Snooze. 

RADIOHEAD - PABLO HONEY. DAY 29

RADIOHEAD - PABLO HONEY

Yes! I WAS one of those people that were into Radiohead before Creep got big. Yes, it’s obnoxious to say that. I’m ok with it, I was there first. Being first, ahead of the game, on the crest of the wave or the sheep herder rather than the flock of sheep was very satisfying for the chubby outcast at school. 

Even more satisfying was playing God with my collection of coveted angst ridden albums. Who can I say no to this week? Or, even better, who can I feel superior to by saying yes? I hate lending things to people. I’m protective of my possessions, it stems from having a younger brother who stole everything from me growing up. I once cried for 3 hours over my missing Jeff Buckley CD. I believe I almost strangled him. Lending your prized possessions to people is fraught with stress and danger for someone like me. In Grade One as a 6 yo I lent a My Little Pony to my ‘friend’ Natalie I think her name was. I stopped knowing her real name when she became my arch enemy. 

That bitch borrowed the Pony and kept it for weeks, when I finally got it back after upscaling my requests to direct threats against her safety, My Little Pony was not the same. Her hair, once glossy and all the same length, was now ratty with chunks missing, like she had severe split ends. Where her cute little bubblegum scented bum had perfectly printed purple and pink hued stars - there were scribbles with texta...that hideous army green texta that no normal kid ever uses when they’re colouring. I was so incensed I iced that little turd out immediately and even a year later I can recall snickering at her in show and tell when she tried to say that Princess Leia was her favourite Star Wars character because she was a ‘princess’. How lame. 

Was this post supposed to be about Radiohead? Pablo Honey is a great album, I enjoyed it even more when I lent it out once and stressed about getting it back a week late. Some things never change. 

INNER CIRCLE - SWEAT. DAY 28

CD SINGLE Sunday!!

INNER CIRCLE - SWEAT

I gave this single to my younger brother for Christmas once - along with a pop ball. You know the balls that look like a rubber ball cut in half, you flip them inside out and they pop up and flip the right way? Toys were sophisticated in my day.  In the true spirit of Indian giving though (is that considered racist?) I reacquired the single a few years ago. Singles used to be $10 or more so your purchase was carefully considered into several categories of motivation. 

1 - You love the band so much you must own everything by them

2 - the single has songs you wouldn't otherwise get on an album - remember this is the time before i-tunes and file sharing

3 - the song is considered a one hit wonder so the single is the best option

4 - the album is an extra $20 and worth buying 

Inner Circle falls comfortably into category 3, with no compelling follow up I can think of. We used to make up our own words: 

Girl I’m gonna make you poo

Poo till you cant poo no more

And if you cry, you need to push it some more - or - or…

Lyrics too, were sophisticated in my day. This song used to be recognised by 'la la la la la long'. 

While of course there wasn't a separate follow up of note, this single is unique in that you got the 'Bad Boys' original mix - the theme song for the show COPS - CLASSIC!

TIMBALAND - SHOCK VALUE. DAY 27

TIMBALAND - SHOCK VALUE

This is a two disc album, before today I never listened to the second disc. Before today I never listened to more than the same four songs: 

#2 Give It to Me 

#4 The Way I are

#5 Bounce 

#16 Apologise 

The Way I Are is a staple - part of my go crazy at the gym playlist. That song is particularly useful on the crosstrainer. Apologise reminds me of working in an office where the radio is played through the internal PA system. It played at least 6 times during the work day and I hated it. In this office, whenever there was a meeting the leftover food was dumped out with the plebs in cubicles so we could eat our emotions with a Danish or seven. Smart PA’s always over order on the good food so they don’t have to buy lunch. I always ordered food to my own taste. Being a vegan it meant you had to be crafty so the bonehead suits didn’t realise their beloved sausage rolls were absent from the boardroom table. 

Of course the promise of leftover food could be unreliable so I would still eat my own lunch and then eat the extra’s. My muffin top, uncomfortably tight pants, the over zealous use of the office air-con in winter and Timbaland on the radio in brainwash proportions meant my state of mind wasn’t exactly tip top at the time. Needless to say I find most of the Timbaland album quasi depressing. Did I hear that Timbaland threatened to kill himself a few months ago? I know how he feels.

FRANZ FERDINAND - YOU COULD HAVE IT SO MCUH BETTER. DAY 26

FRANZ FERDINAND - YOU COULD HAVE IT SO MCUH BETTER

Meh, I don’t really like Franz Ferdinand. They scream generic line up at a music festival. They remind me of this idiot I dated once. He wore blue singlets, cargo shorts and sneakers to festivals and brewed his own beer. This is a certain kind of idiot. Guys that are really into their home-brew are boring as hell. They love BBQ’s and have their own novelty apron...lame! They love their mates and going to the cricket….lame! They’ve read the book ‘The Game’ and use the principles to pick up….lame to the power of itself! They spend 20 minutes getting their hair into a rhinoceros spike with putty and think it makes them cutting edge. They love Franz Ferdinand. 

There’s nothing wrong with this album. It’s just boring. During my time at shitFM I noticed a bunch of these CD’s sitting on a communal table and assumed they were leftover from a promotion. Naturally, I picked one up and took it home only to find that it was autographed by the band who were in for an interview that day. Hrm..if you’re ever going to take CD’s from work without asking, this is the number one thing you don’t want to happen. The next day there was an email sent out to the general office asking if anyone saw a pile of CD’s because one is missing blah blah...whoops. I didn’t even like the album. 

That night I went home and devised a crafty plan to return the missing album. I put it under a box, carried the box in and placed it on the floor under the desk so the security camera was none the wiser! I then threw a bunch of stuff of under the desk discreetly so it would look like the CD was missing under the pile of crap the whole time. Oooh, close call.  

BOB SINCLAR - WESTERN DREAM. DAY 25

BOB SINCLAR - WESTERN DREAM

I cannot listen to this album….it brings back hideous memories of being awake for days, eating icy poles and going to clubs at 7am...It also prompts vivid recollections of what I thought was an irregular heart beat brought on by too many red bulls. It’s been a long time since I drank red bull or went to day clubs. Amen to that. 

Its a great album, good for getting ready or in my case coming undone. I remember the specific day when this became a record I wouldn’t listen to for the next 5 years. While I was poor, clubbing came first so I called the promoter of a trance night, told her I was in marketing (kind of not so much of a lie yet) and I had two developers up from Melbourne keen to check out the club because they’d heard so much about it and may be interested in opening something similar...blah blah..etc etc...she put our names on the door and off we went. I’d never been there before but I found it semi alarming that the front entrance had been damaged the week before in a drive by shooting. I was also curious about the metal detector at the door because stabbing’s were so common. Nice. Retrospect is best used a minimum 4 years after stupid periods in your life. Any sooner and you’d give yourself wrinkles from all the cringing. I think its safe to ask what the hell was I thinking. Also safe to say, I want thinking. This, it seems is what your 20’s are for. Eradicating brain cells and taking risks. 

So, after the night of trance, a day club till 10am and a nauseating walk home past the Harbour Bridge. I remember finally getting to my front door willing it to open faster than the 3 seconds it took. Collapsing on the carpet, Western Dream played on repeat for 8 hours...and the song I can’t handle the most is World, Hold On. French house emotes a sense of togetherness peppered with seclusion (that makes sense to me) like we’re all here in this big room dancing but alone. That’s how I felt on the lounge room floor getting up 3 times to shower and dry retch. Secluded and alone. There weren’t many more weekends like that. I believe the psychosis brought on by Bob Sinclar planted a seed that would soon become: sensibility. 

It’s been real traveling down memory lane Mr Sinclar but this record in going back to the dusty shelf it was pulled from for a long time yet. 

BASEMENT JAXX - ROOTY . DAY 24

BASEMENT JAXX - ROOTY 

You keep on giving me the hold up! You know I wish you’d make your mind up! Surely one of the greatest house album’s ever - Kish Kash offers up a little bit of everything. Romeo was used in an Aerobics class at my gym for 2 years straight, I’m amazed how much of my music awareness started while falling over my own feet trying to master a grapevine in 3/4 leggings. There’s something about listening to music while you’re sweaty and puffing that makes you like it even more. Positive association by use of endorphins I’d speculate. 

I’ve seen Basement Jaxx a few times, the standout was Big Day Out in 2004. Ridiculously hot, sweaty and cramped in a too small tent I was positioned, as usual in what would become a thoroughfare for annoying punks moving to the front. In my rush to get away I moved behind a stocky, shirtless, sweat soaked dude busting a move while wearing a backpack. My friend and I took the piss out of him for a while and it was fun while it lasted but my predicament in seeing the ever changing line up of live singers for the band prevailed and I used my elbows to great affect!

Later that year I moved 2.5 hours inland, and 25 years back in time to a rural town for work. Kish Kash became my salvation when the local ‘club’ played Five like it was normal, I could escape to my deliberately overheated lounge room and dance the hicks away. 

DIXIE CHICKS - LIVE. DAY 23

DIXIE CHICKS - LIVE

Yet another free CD from the world of shittyradioFM. Although, rather than foraging  through the throw out bin, this was pilfered from the prize cupboard. Sometimes when people win things on air, the effort of driving in, parking and coming upstairs to pick up a prize they don’t really care about is too much effort. There was a lot of Dixie Chicks albums leftover. Never any John Farnham or Nickleback….but lots of chick bands for some reason. One can only speculate that it was the boganista/middle Australia listeners. 

I listened to Disc 2 exclusively...but I should have really opened myself up to Disc 1 which features ‘White Trash Wedding’. How could I miss that!  My short attention span/ADD has prevented me from enjoying many things and Disc 1 of this CD is just one of them. Of course, I would play ‘Landslide’ repeatedly and ‘Wide Open Spaces’ intermittently but I haven't listened to this album in nearly 6 years. Ooohhh...poor form. 

I felt at the time, that I had to keep my limited love of the dixie chicks a secret. I mean, they’re called ‘Dixie Chicks’. Not long after though, the band came out in opposition to George Dubbya and received death threats from his followers, inspiring them to write ‘Not ready to make nice’ which got lots of airplay in Australia and worldwide and made them slightly less dixie and a little bit more palatable. I respect a female country folk band who make a stand while getting up the ‘arse of’ and alienating a large scary redneck part of their audience. 

ESTELLE - SHINE. DAY 22

ESTELLE - SHINE

Estelle hit it big with this album mostly thanks to the single featuring king douche himself - Kanye West. I never realised what a self important fuckwit he was until I heard him speak rather than sing. Though at the time of this album I was still oblivious to the douchebaggery, free to enjoy the song on its own merits. 

I bought this record when I was going through a mental crisis of sorts and became obsessed with fun runs culminating in a half marathon. What ever possessed me? Once you hit a level of fitness matched by the ability to tune out the reality of running for hours without stopping you can pretty much do anything. I started to kid myself ‘hey, why not a full marathon and then maybe scale Mt Everest next?’. Clearly the endorphins went to my head. I ran to this album, albeit, skipping over a few songs that didn’t cut it. 

American Boy also reminds me of Spin class - they used that song to death in the warm up. So now everytime I hear it I  imagine myself peddling a stationary bike in a dark room with a sweaty fat man in ill fitting singlet and shorts panting next to me. Or worse still, a woman in front wearing a g-string and leggings...atomic wedgie indeed!

THE SLEEPY JACKSON - GOD LEAD YOUR SOUL. DAY

THE SLEEPY JACKSON - GOD LEAD YOUR SOUL

I grabbed this single out of shittyradioFM’s ‘throw out’ box a few years ago. Radio stations get a criminal amount of music/clothes/food/new products and everything else sent to them in the hope someone will like it and promote it. Being the shit kicker I used to do the mail sometimes and I always felt bad when I stuffed handwritten bundles from kids and local bands into the over full and often ignored pigeon holes of the radio powers that be. I’d wonder how much hope that kid had in someone at the station listening to it and getting back to them. 

Record companies too, would send too much of everything and the over flow would end up in the throw out box.  This is where a keen eyed, underpaid shit kicker like myself would swoop in. God Lead your Soul was he last major single I can recall from the Sleepy Jackson before Luke Steel started referring to himself in the thrid person as ‘The Steel’ and making what I consider generic, bland, shitty electronica with ‘Empire of the Sun’. Apparently most people don’t agree with this, but what do they know? The Steely Jackspn were so different, almost ethereal in their sound and Empire of the Sun is the musical mess of the obvious. 

Get into the Sleepy Jackson before you ever listen to Luke Steel’s electronic, apache indian, space wizard beyond the thunderdome offerings.

Just another manic sunday

THREE WEEKS DOWN 

Twenty-one days in and I’ve decided to change things up a bit. Sunday, traditionally the day of no work, worship, sleeping in and pigging out will now be Backtapes ‘CD Single Sunday’, because I just realised how many great singles I have. I also noticed that I’m keen on the ‘no work’ element Sunday has to offer. So, let’s get to it, I have a coffee and a super exciting trip to Kmart planned. 

THE HOODOO GURUS - ELECTRIC SOUP. DAY 20

THE HOODOO GURUS - ELECTRIC SOUP

The Hoodoo Gurus have really pissed me off. They were cool and the songs are great but they became a band who broke up, made a big song and dance of a farewell tour and then came back a few years later. WTF is with that? Why don’t you just not make an album for five years and go on holiday? Why get folks all nostalgic so they rush along to the nearest farewell gig and buy up your crappy inventory of merchandise. MONEY is why people do this. MONEY and the inability to do anything else when 4 years later they find themselves bored and at a loose end. Musicians aren’t exactly know for their succession planning. They don’t think these things out.

Electric Soup is a collection of singles spanning their original career from 1981 to the mid 90’s. Its easy to forget the impact of some artists, the Guru’s had countless hits on radio making most of their back catalogue instantly recognisable. Despite their no so retiring retirement, the songs still stand up 20 years later.

Miss Free Love reminds me of starting high school. I got a TV for Christmas that year and my dedication to reading imported trashy teen gossip magazines meant I was ahead of the game on ‘Beverly Hills 90210’. Before the other girls at school had any idea who Jason Priestly was, I had decided that David Silver (Brian Austin Green) was accessible and geeky enough to become obsessed with. It never would have worked between me and Luke Perry - too much of a bad boy. 

Turns out I was onto something because Brian Austin Green is stands to be the hottest of the bunch and he’s married to Megan Fox. I rest my case. Buoyed by a fuzzy soundtrack of Hoodoo Guru’s and some Vanilla Ice I meticulously cut the best pictures out of my magazines, pasted them onto my school folders and shrink wrapped them in clear contact.  After 5 folders you develop a airtight process and as I recall I had a few requests from fiends to do the same for them. I should have really charged them. 

NATALIE MERCHANT - TIGERLILY. DAY 19

NATALIE MERCHANT - TIGERLILY

I was turned onto Natalie Merchant because she was in 10,000 Maniacs and I was into 10,000 Maniacs because of REM. Her distinctive voice and lyrics make me think of the arty girl who liked literature and performed in the most intense school plays. (I only ever did the cheesy musicals) I met a girl like this recently when I was on teaching rounds. Instead of presenting a speech to the class on what she’d learned about the depression, this 14yo got up and did a 10 minute monologue as a weathered single mother who prostitutes herself to get by. What teenager does that? I just stood there mesmerized. Girls in the class snickered through it but she drowned them out and continued. That's an artist.

I haven't always loved Natalie Merchant as a teenager in love with and obsessed with Michael Stipe I was insanely jealous of her. I read anecdotally that she was his girlfriend early on before he made the transition to men. I don’t believe I’m the woman to turn a man away from being gay (there more fun gay anyway) but I was 15 and I would eat sleep and dream REM. So I saw this bitch as competition! It only really lasted until I listened to my first Maniacs album and then I figured we could be friends after all. 

Tigerlily is warm comfort on a cold autumn day. I always think of my albums as seasons because its probably when I bought the record. Tigerlily reminds me of cooking vegetable soup and my duffle coat - not at the same time though. Carnival is brilliant, everything on this album is brilliant. It taught me things too. Like what a fault line was from the song San Andreas Fault.  Merchants tour in 1998 was one of the many gigs I bought a ticket attend solo. I was excited about being able to sit down throughout the whole thing. (not much has changed) so imagine my surprise when I rocked up to find ‘show cancelled due to illness’ stickers all over the venue with a lone security guard on the door to set you straight if the posters weren't enough. I got a refund on my ticket, went back home and used the money to get my belly button pierced. Probably one of the dumbest things I had pierced. I have an outtie...jewelry kind of loses its effect when it has to fight for space next to the remnants of an umbilical cord. 

DURAN DURAN - BEST OF. DAY 18

DURAN DURAN - BEST OF

I love a band that is so sure of its name they decided to repeat it. Duran Duran..I don’t even know what ‘Duran’ means. It doesn't matter though because in the 80’s anything goes. I was into them from the getgo, being a very progressive music aficionado. These days kids spend a fair chink of time worshipping the wiggles, whereas I went straight from my cabbage patch vinyls to Tears for Fears. 

I’ve seen Duran Duran twice. Once it was their comeback promo tour for ‘Sunrise’ which unlike most old dudes recording new music, was pretty damn good. They managed to return and be just as cool in tailored suits as they were in cut off jeans and make up. That was until morning TV dribble ‘Sunrise’ picked it up as their theme song. The launch was at a very small, very packed club and I felt very out of place. In the world of small time media and celebrity, unless you are one of those on-camera stiffs or your hair & clothes are so asymmetrical that you’re elevated to cool on freak points, then you just don’t feel 100%. Besides, my shitty regional radio wage barely (and I mean that sincerely) afforded food and bills. I lived on free giveaway food for months and packets of almost out of date chips washed down with cans of coke can have serious dental repercussions later on in life. So at that time in my life I probably had a gut and wore trackies.

The band came out, did a Q&A, we listened to the new single and that was it. ‘Well, at least I got to see Simon LeBon in close proximity’ I thought.  I’m not much for Hungry Like the Wolf, its too obvious! I’m one of those people who think ‘Ordinary World’ is their greatest song. Ordinary World is timeless, its a snapshot of lifetime passed, much like that Dream Academy song ‘Life in a Northern Town’. 

I got to see them again at the no longer running V Festival. Why the hell does the only festival sans massive douche’s off their heads, wearing tight shorts and no shirts have to end? Sigh. They were onstage when QOTSA or Smashing Pumpkins or whoever was playing the other main stage. That decision was a no-brainer. Besides, I’d already taken my Dad along for the Smashing Pumpkins side show. He’s quite the Pumpkins fan. 

If you’re 18 and know nothing about the 80’s beside that Adam Sandler movie ‘The Wedding Singer’ then this album is a good place to start. Granted, there’s about 700 other records to get into to, but Duran Duran still hold their own.

BLISS n ESSO - FLYING COLOURS. DAY 17

BLISS n ESSO - FLYING COLOURS

One of those bands that are let down by their drugged up fans..well according to me anyway. I bought flying colours for the most genuine of reasons. I didn't even have to pay for it at the time because I was working in the land of free stuff - a radio station. I DID pay for it though because I didn't want to be an arsehole, shortchanging Australian bands out of sales. (NOTE: this commitment to artists royalties is often fleeting and haphazard and while my best intentions are there, I am not beyond bowing to the beacon of free shit) 

At this radio station, lets call it 101.generic shitFM, we were expected at weekly ‘team meetings’ in the boardroom on a Friday. Well, firstly, great idea in theory but when you are one of the shitkicker losers who must ask permission to leave their desks to go to the toilet (yes...it is TRUE) and you cant leave early on a Friday unlike the other 99% of the staff you don’t exactly feel like digging deep with the team spirit and limp-wrist clapping your fellow employees for having better jobs than you. Generic.FM was a call centre jazzied up with some confronting feature walls and the standard block mount record company issue gold records signed by the artist thanking the on air staff for their support (when we all know it was the record company work experience kid who got given a fat silver texta, a copy of the grateful artists autograph and told to hop to it on their 2nd day of slave labour). Despite their attempts at being a ‘google like atmosphere’ it was still grey cubicles, legionnaires diseased aircon and below average wages. 

So, on this particular day of the shitkickers fighting about who gets to break the shackles of their desk and go to the ‘team meeting’ I got a short straw and went to ‘represent’ the losers. Just when I thought my numb arse couldn't take any more turds from sales patting themselves on the back a bunch of unassuming africans walked were ushered into the room.  Now, stuff like this doesn't go unnoticed in this office, mainly because I have worked with one african and NO asians in my time in radio. That’s weird in itself, but I suppose they are way smarter when it comes to sniffing out a poor pay deal. The africans turned out to be the Zulu Choir from South Africa...from the land of 1000 hills. They were on a tour and dropped by to make us feel like inadequate nobodies I suppose because when they sang, acapella BTW, it was the most powerful thing I’d ever heard. Words don’t do it justice. I walked back to my desk with their voices ringing in my ears and 2 days later got the Bliss n Esso album featuring those same singers. The album is golden and it always amazes me when I hear rappers reference things that are so high brow. I revered Flying Colours for years and the moment they toured I went along to experience 2 hours of feeling like the oldest most boring person...EVER. It was my lesson in never going to an all ages show as a person of age, its repulsive to see desperate 15 yo’s jumping over barricades to get into the over 18’s area. I don’t know what those kids thought would be so exciting..the view was probably better from their seats and who doesn’t want a seat at some stage through a gig. (let the old person rest their weary feet). I watched a kid bite securities hand and bolt into the throng, was subjected to hideous sweaty steroid ridden meat heads who obviously missed the irony in how their intolerance doesn’t exactly gel with the ethos of the band.  

Yeah, I’m freaking old...i’m so old I’m reluctant to use the word fucking even though its what I want to write because when you’re old you don’t like to curse in the written word. 

CYNDI LAUPER - Best of - TIME AFTER TIME. DAY 16

CYNDI LAUPER - Best of - TIME AFTER TIME

Let’s just take a minute to appreciate the greatness that is Cyndi Lauper. This is a ‘best of’ and unlike most ‘best of’ compilations this actually comes up with the goods every time the little track counter ticks over. The woman is a fucking goddess. It makes you appreciate her even more when you try to sing along and about 1.5 songs in, your voice-box is screaming at you to ‘stop this madness’. My brain recalls Cyndi Lauper in conjunction with what white trash families consider serious sports entertainment - The Wrestling! I can’t remember if it was WWE, WWF or whatever but Cyndi Lauper had wrestlers in the video for girls just wanna have fun and I actually believed until about 10 minutes ago that Captain Lou Albano was actually her Dad in real life.

The good times don’t stop at the wrestling either...we really hit a pinnacle for 80’s cross promotion with ‘Goonies R Good Enough’..from the Goonies soundtrack. Its at this stage we need to rise again and surrender to the greatness that is The Goonies. The most awesome movie ever made. Apparently Steven Spielberg made Lauper the musical director for the movie and the subsequent video for ‘Good Enough’ was the first ever 2 part music video. The song features in scenes from the movie and in one scene the music video for the song plays in the background.  

There are no low points on this album which makes it even more baffling that I haven't listened to it in four years. There’s even a lovely reggae remix of girls Just wanna have fun! I’m pretty sure got this record off a neighbour who soon became a frenemy. One of those people that did psych in high school and used it as a platform for their unjustified attempts at personality analysis and superiority. Rather unfortunate. I think she was still a Virgin at 30...which wouldn't really matter except she was desperate to not be a virgin from the age of 15...at least she had this rockin album. Cant win them all! 

I also remember the day my best friend told me She bop was about female masturbation..I never listen to the words or pay attention to the meaning so imagine my surprise! The light and shade in the song are brilliant  and Lauper’s vocal is killer. 

KYLIE MINOGUE - IMPOSSIBLE PRINCESS. DAY 15

KYLIE MINOGUE - IMPOSSIBLE PRINCESS

In the previous 14 posts I’ve mentioned that I often went to things alone because none of my 2 friends had money/wanted to join me. Kylie’s ‘Impossible Princess’ tour was one of those times! It was during this album that Kylie’s credibility had a resurgence and I stopped getting hassled about how she’d been caught lip synching (incidentally until about 2 years ago I was sure the term was ‘lip singing’) when her backing tape was chewed up in concert. The whole ‘stock Aitken and waterman’ thing was forgotten and Kylie fans could walk proud, safe from the wrath of normal folk everywhere. 

Some kind of Bliss is a killer track proud with the influence of Manic Street Preachers James Bradfield. This album was Minogue’s first attempt and just regurgitating more of the same pop standards and luck fell upon her considering the calibre of artists she had to work with. Bliss is the best song on the album and makes you feel like it’s a perfect day where time could stand still. I used to listen to it in my bright yellow car on the way home from a demanding shift at the cake shop. Never underestimate how exhausting it can be to serve greedy, sugar addicted, rude bastards on a Sunday. 

Another single ‘Did it again’ reminds me of that mecca of below average sweets. I hated the song from first listen..I hated the video..ugh..I don’t know exactly why, but I did. I also hated my job but I was paid to be there so one deals...anyway the cake decorator absolutely LOVED Did it again. During the 25 times per shift that it came on radio, she’d turn it up and dance all the while waving a gigantic spatula covered with whipped (GAG) cream. This became my motivation for despising/being confused/revolted by her. She had the name of a European man, was on heavy side of heavy, left work early on warm days to head to a nudist beach and her boyfriend had recently got out of jail. It’s not like she was a bad person, I just hated the freaking song. 

GLEE- OH YES...IT’S GLEE - Volume 1. DAY 14

GLEE- OH YES...IT’S GLEE - Volume 1

I thought I’d mark my 2 week anniversary with a good wholesome sing along...well at least track one is. My short attention span has me normally skipping just about everything unless I’m out of the room or just pressing repeat on the Glee clubs heart warming rendition of Journey’s ‘Don’t stop believing’. 

I remember exactly why I bought this album. I was on teaching rounds on one of the shittiest schools to ever exist. In fact, if I related half the stories I have about that school you would recoil from the screen, refusing to believe that they could be true. I volunteered to help supervise the schools scrappy, uninterested group of musicians to a local singing event with about 10 other schools from the area. The band accompanying the conference of singers was pulled from a school close by, but unlike the rest, this school is one of the premiere exclusive, cost more in tuition per year than your house, kind of schools. For those kids, the local singing get together of underprivileged schools must have been on par with a guided night tour around the streets of Johannesburg.  After yelling at my kids about 30 times and giving up about 20, I disowned the little shit heads and moved to a wall where I could disguise my lethargy against the soothing cold bricks holding me up. Just when I was losing the battle to keep my eyes open, the angelic and enthusiastic voices of 60 eight year olds jolted my out of the darkness. They had choreographed dance moves, co-ordinated t-shirts and they reeked of optimism. ‘Poor deluded kids’ I thought, but after the first chorus was done they had me. How painfully cute. I was inspired to go back to my brats and sit next to them, singing loud enough to embarrass the crap out of those little feckers. I threw in some jazz hands and tried to start a group sway as they tried in vain to sink lower in their chairs away from me. I have those little kids, Journey and the Glee club to thank. 

The other thing about Glee is it takes my ears 15 mins to adjust to the high pitched screechiness of the singing voices. Now, I don’t have a problem with the screechiness but they are more than ‘musical theatre’ screechy. Musicals are my first forbidden love. When other kids were listening to Poison, I was singing along to the Les Miserables soundtrack. I appreciate Glee’s cheese laden humour and unashamed geekiness but 1 hour is trying on the ear canals and his album is 17 songs long. 

SUPERGRASS - IN IT FOR THE MONEY. DAY 13

SUPERGRASS - IN IT FOR THE MONEY

Supergrass reminds me of shag pile carpet and musty smells, because that’s what my old lounge-room was like. This was long before we discovered that Supergrass drummer Danny Goffey married Pearl Lowe who had a daughter called Daisy by Gavin Rossdale and nobody worked it out until Gwen Stefani saw said daughter in a fashion show and remarked that she looked a lot like her husband, good old Gav. A few DNA swabs later and Gwen Stefani is the worlds hottest step mother. 

Supergrass hit their stride post the peak of feuding britpop bands of oasis/blur but before the brit rock reconnaissance started by the arctic monkeys. They are fuzzier and grittier than the standard polished british fare of the same time This album is good..although I usually skipped half the tracks. It uses that warped noise machine thing that uses waves and hands to make ghostly sounds. I saw Supergrass at one of the many Big Day Out’s I attended with people I didn’t really know or like or want to go to a music festival with. Until a few years ago I was repeatedly in those situations. Supergrass were great but some punters took the name too literally and maybe got some supergrass of their own on...I can’t stand that shit when I’m out. I avoid the dirty barefoot UDL drinking grubbies who instead of watching any bands, prefer to sit in circles on the ground in the busiest of thoroughfares staring down anyone who happens to walk by. 

You know those albums where you’d be hard pressed to know any of the words when the CD isn't playing and even when it is its you can just make out the chorus..In it for the money is one of those for me.

BEST TRACKS: 

Richard III

Sun Hits the Sky 

Tonight